Carving
by Jazyrha
Summary: And I'll Carve Your Name In My Broken Heart. [Kaoru POV on how he thinks he's losing Hikaru and he just doesn't want to. First OHSHCfic. Please review! KaoruxHikaru]


_**Carving**_

_Hi -_

I'll carve your name in my bleeding, slowly dying heart. I'll carve your name in my screaming memories. I'll carve your name in everything that is me, so that I can keep you.

In order to keep you close, to remain what we are, I'll carve your words deep in my soul. In order to protect our little world, I'll pretend a little longer I'm okay. In order to stay with you, just a little longer, I'll cry a little more.

I wish you'd stop running, because you are running too fast for me. I gave you a little push in a direction from where I forgot whether it was the right or the wrong and you started running. You are leaving me behind, without even knowing.

Please look over your shoulder and notice I'm not following anymore. Please look back to what we had and love me like I love you. Please stay with me.

Because if you will shelter me when I'm dying, I want to die everyday. If you will catch me when I fall, I'll fall over and over again. If you'll wrap your arms around me and tell me everything is alright when I cry, I'll cry everyday. If you'll only love because I love you…

_Ka -_

In all silence I'll continue to carve. Blood is dripping from every inch of my bleeding soul, my bleeding body, my bleeding memories. And I wonder if you will notice when you look up. I wonder if you will walk to me, embrace me tight and tell me I don't have to hurt myself this much.

But I have to. Because if I don't hurt myself, I might start and hurt you in a way we both didn't know it existed.

Because it's wrong.

It's wrong that I want you to stay in our world, filled with two people, two souls, but only one love. It's wrong that I want you to love me just as much as I love you. It's wrong that I want to embrace you until we finally become one. It's wrong that I think its right. It's definitely wrong that I want you to look over your shoulder and to run back to me.

Everyday, I die a little more, as you take another step away from me. With every crying heartbeat more, I know I'm losing you. The lock on our gate is breaking, you're breaking free faster then I can handle.

But still…

But still I love you. And I'll never stop loving you. Even when the world thinks it's wrong, even when you think it's wrong, I'll love you. Even when you're walking away from me, when you don't love me back, I'll love you. Even when you'll never see, even when you'll never notice and feel the same, I'll love you. I'll love you until the sun doesn't rise anymore. I'll love you even when I have to kill my heart because of it. I'll love you, so that one day you will read your carved name in my heart and realise that you love me too…

_Ru._

I'm sorry, Hikaru, I'm sorry for turning out this way. I'm sorry for not being able to be happy when you're happy. I guess I can't be happy when you're in love with some one else, when you're leaving me. I'm so sorry for hiding my bleeding soul for you, for lying to you everyday when I tell you I'm alright.

Believe me, Hikaru… I'm sorry.

_Hikaru._

And now I'm here, all alone, crying until I hear your footsteps. Turning around, pretending to sleep. You slowly take of your shoes, change your clothes and lay down beside me.

And I carve your name a little deeper, cherish this moment a little longer.

"Kaoru?"

A tear falling on the bed.

"Kaoru…"

Your name carved in another piece of my broken heart.

"Kaoru!"

Dying a little more.

You're rolling of the bed, walking to my side. As you sit down next to me, you reach for my hand, grabbing it tightly.

"Why are you hurting yourself like this?"

A loud scream.

A broken boy in the arms of a surprised one.

Tears falling like rain.

The simplest answer.

"Because I love you, Hikaru."

A loving embrace.

"Please don't, because I love you too, Kaoru."

And I carved your words in my slowly recovering heart.

* * *

Uhm, just so you know... Please don't take that 'carving' to litteraly. He's not really cutting himself or something! Well, anyway, This is my first KaoruxHikaru fic. I might write another story if you like this. So if you do, please review )

Oh, before I forget: If this isn't Angst, please tell me. I have actually no idea what Angst is, but I thought it was something like this. So if you know what Angst is, or when you know this isn't it, please tell me!

Jazyrha.


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